I had a surprising day today. Last night mom and I tried to watch "Hope Springs" and it was a horribly uncomfortable movie. It started off sad, with the married couple living more like room mates than a couple. It proceeds to her wanting to fix it and him being more reluctant. It was sad to see this happen, but that does make me think about how I don't want my life to become that at 31 years married. I don't want the spark to die, and I don't want to have it feel like I am not doing anything to save it.
So what made it horrible was the therapy sessions. They talk a lot about sex in it, and I am not comfortable with people talking about something that is so sacred and beautiful. Granted, it was a married couple and not a couple shacking up like you see so much on TV and in movies anymore. But still, to hear the therapist ask about things that are SO deeply personal was very uncomfortable. And when they started to have "homework" to be able to get used to touching each other and stuff like that, it became too much for me. Thankfully Mom fast forwarded it, because she was uncomfortable too.
It was sad because I put it on my Facebook page, and I had to explain to someone why I felt this way. Why I was so upset with such personal things being put on the large screen and into our homes. I am human, and I do get urges just like anyone else. But sex is so beautiful and so sacred that it is hard to see someone treating it like it should be entertainment for the masses. To see someone open the door to their marriage and their bedrooms and air all the dirty laundry. It was not something I was comfortable with watching, having this couple work through rekindling their dying romance.
I'm sure it was something that people enjoyed, but I personally had a hard time with it. I personally spent more time looking at my computer because I didn't want to see something I hold as so precious being portrayed as it was.
And how do you explain this to someone? How do you tell them that what they are showing was just another example of how the world sees relationships. How life can get in the way of living, and it truly did open my eyes and tell me how to make sure to not turn out. However, I also want to make sure that my voice is heard and that such beautiful things should stay where they belong. The beauty of making love should stay behind the closed bedroom doors, and should be as precious as our religion. And I will fight to make sure people understand that is how I feel.
This is why today was an interesting day. And surprising. I hope I don't have to go through this again. And I think I will be sticking with the cartoons more from now on, and will read reviews before going to the movies or renting a movie again.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
New Blog... YAY!!
So I have created another blog,with recipes and tips from my weight loss journey as well. I created it for my cousin, and as a way to share our amazing recipes that we have tried and loved though the course of this journey. I wanted to make it something that we can enjoy and have fun with it, and honestly I LOVE it. It's so much fun to get on there and share. So this last one I posted wasn't a recipe, but it was a list of what I can and can't eat. The nice thing is, I can eat ANYTHING. I don't have anything I can't eat. I just have to make sure if I have enough to be able to eat it. OR I have to decide if eating nothing but fruit and vegetables for the rest of the day is worth it. And it's funny to see how your mindset changes towards foods.
Here is the link to the webpage, and the recipes on it.
Dash Of Sunshine
I really am having a ton of fun with it, and hope by the end of this month to have a majority of our favorite recipes on it. I want to be able to share what we have been able to enjoy with anyone else who is struggling to loose those last few pounds, or to loose the adult that is riding around on their back with them.
I'm so much happier now than I thought I would be. It's a great feeling.
Here is the link to the webpage, and the recipes on it.
Dash Of Sunshine
I really am having a ton of fun with it, and hope by the end of this month to have a majority of our favorite recipes on it. I want to be able to share what we have been able to enjoy with anyone else who is struggling to loose those last few pounds, or to loose the adult that is riding around on their back with them.
I'm so much happier now than I thought I would be. It's a great feeling.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Brutal honesty
Today was my weigh in day. It was ALMOST exciting, except for the fact that I didn't go down last week at all. I stayed exactly where I was. I admit, I wasn't so good yesterday. I felt like I just wanted to keep eating. AND I got some Mega Stuffed Oreo's so I had to try it. They are SUPER stuffed... Like 2 double stuffed Oreo's smashed the cream together and took the cookies away. If I was a cream girl, it would be amazing. I'm more of a cookie person. So... I don't know what I am going to do with them, other than grounding them up and putting them on my chocolate sugar-free pudding. It will add 4 points to it, but that makes it a 6 point snack.
So I get on the scale after going to the restroom, and taking a shower. I have found that I weigh in when I am out of the shower and it's better. I got on the scale 3 times, just to make sure that the weight was right. The first time, I got a number that I wasn't too happy with. The second time, it was up 2 pounds from where I was on the first weigh in. So it became "best 2 out of 3" and I got on for the last time. I was able to confirm the results on the last step on the scale.... I am up. I am up .2 pounds but I am still up....
This journey really is a lot of work. It's not something that is an easy thing to do. You have to get up every single day and decide to eat better. You have to ignore those little voices in your head that are telling you that you want that order of fries. You want that piece of chocolate cake. You want that personal pie that's in the freezer section.
It's not telling yourself you can't have it though. It's more taking a step back, and trying to figure out WHY you want those things. What is going on in your life right now to make you want those items? It's hard to pinpoint why, but it's something I need to remember. There is a reason that I am wanting those things, and it is deeper than just a craving.
Once I figure that out, I will be okay. It's just hard. Hard when you look at something that you used to love and tell yourself that you don't "desire it." While your brain is saying "Heck yes I want that!!!" there is a little part of your brain that takes over and says "I don't know, maybe I don't want that..." It's hard to change your life when you spend a lot of it not caring what you put into your mouth. Everything went from "Whatever I want" to "What do you need?" It's a radical change, and it's a hard change to continue to support. I am just feeling like I am going uphill right now.... It's not THAT bad, but when you go to the store and you steer clear of everything else that used to tempt you before it can be hard. It's hard to tell yourself that you don't need the donuts. You don't need the Lofthouse cookies.... If someone was to buy a package you could have one but you don't need to buy the package yourself.
It's a lifestyle change, and it's hard. But it's time to be brutally honest with myself. What I was doing was going to kill me. I wasn't doing anything to change my life, other than to make it shorter.
It's hard to admit that... I was slowly killing myself by not taking care of myself. I need to start taking more control. I am not doing anything drastic, but I am doing what I need to so that I can be alive later. I can have children when I meet the right guy. I can be happy.
That's the one thing that has changed, I am more happy than I have been in a LONG time. I feel more happy, and I have more energy. I can do more, walk longer, and dance longer. I need to keep going and get half of myself lost so I can be the person I was born to be. This journey has started, and I don't intend on it finishing.
So I get on the scale after going to the restroom, and taking a shower. I have found that I weigh in when I am out of the shower and it's better. I got on the scale 3 times, just to make sure that the weight was right. The first time, I got a number that I wasn't too happy with. The second time, it was up 2 pounds from where I was on the first weigh in. So it became "best 2 out of 3" and I got on for the last time. I was able to confirm the results on the last step on the scale.... I am up. I am up .2 pounds but I am still up....
This journey really is a lot of work. It's not something that is an easy thing to do. You have to get up every single day and decide to eat better. You have to ignore those little voices in your head that are telling you that you want that order of fries. You want that piece of chocolate cake. You want that personal pie that's in the freezer section.
It's not telling yourself you can't have it though. It's more taking a step back, and trying to figure out WHY you want those things. What is going on in your life right now to make you want those items? It's hard to pinpoint why, but it's something I need to remember. There is a reason that I am wanting those things, and it is deeper than just a craving.
Once I figure that out, I will be okay. It's just hard. Hard when you look at something that you used to love and tell yourself that you don't "desire it." While your brain is saying "Heck yes I want that!!!" there is a little part of your brain that takes over and says "I don't know, maybe I don't want that..." It's hard to change your life when you spend a lot of it not caring what you put into your mouth. Everything went from "Whatever I want" to "What do you need?" It's a radical change, and it's a hard change to continue to support. I am just feeling like I am going uphill right now.... It's not THAT bad, but when you go to the store and you steer clear of everything else that used to tempt you before it can be hard. It's hard to tell yourself that you don't need the donuts. You don't need the Lofthouse cookies.... If someone was to buy a package you could have one but you don't need to buy the package yourself.
It's a lifestyle change, and it's hard. But it's time to be brutally honest with myself. What I was doing was going to kill me. I wasn't doing anything to change my life, other than to make it shorter.
It's hard to admit that... I was slowly killing myself by not taking care of myself. I need to start taking more control. I am not doing anything drastic, but I am doing what I need to so that I can be alive later. I can have children when I meet the right guy. I can be happy.
That's the one thing that has changed, I am more happy than I have been in a LONG time. I feel more happy, and I have more energy. I can do more, walk longer, and dance longer. I need to keep going and get half of myself lost so I can be the person I was born to be. This journey has started, and I don't intend on it finishing.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
I love wings, and these just took my breath away!
So while we were at the festival, I found a booth that had these STUNNING wings. I know, fairies are everywhere and so are their wings. But THESE wings are handmade, hand painted and one of a kind. They make wands, wings, and outfits as well. They also make hats, and as I was standing there watching, two little girls got wings and hats, and the booth owner let them take 2 wands for free. I was very impressed with his kindness, so I came closer to examine the works of art that were hanging on the booth. I got permission from the booth owner to take pics, and I have contact information in case someone is interested in ordering some. :) I just HAVE to share some of the beauty!!!
The flower hat was too cute, and this one I think is just for me. I don't think I will be letting anyone else wear it.
This is the other pair of wings I got that I loved! They are so soft and pretty... I just couldn't resist.
These are the ones for the little ones. They would be adorable on a baby, up to 2 years old I think is what he said. They are SO CUTE!!!
These are the BEAUTIFUL wands. They look just like flowers. I love it!
I SERIOUSLY want these wings! I was floored with how beautiful they were, and the paint job is just... they left me speechless.
These are the wings that can be worn by Teenagers or adults. They are SO fun, and not as extravagant as the wings on the walls.
These wings had peacock feathers on them, which helped to enhance how lovely they were!
These are sets for the kiddos. They had a skirt, a bracelet, and wings. And they were $35 for them, which made me want them a little bit more. A complete outfit! And so stinking cute!
The mermaid wings... Sigh...
Pink and glitter... Need I say more? :)
These are the wings for the toddlers to the 9 year old kiddos. They are SO cute, and the flowers are hats!!!
More beautiful wings... The peacock feathers made them a bit more but SO worth it!
The colors....
This set was calling my name, but I had to walk away from it...
The wings that look like leaves... the imagination just blows my mind!
And THESE are the ones that I ended up getting for myself, and for my sister to be able to use in her Studio.
The Dickens Festival was FUN!
One of the perks of living where we do is that we are close enough to a lot of amazing things. We are close to Disneyland, the San Diego Zoo, Sea World, Six Flags Magic Mountain, and Calico Ghost Town to name a few. We have made amazing friends from all walks of life, and we are able to enjoy their company as often as possible. One of the amazing things we have been able to do is to go down and see the "Charles Dickens Festival" where people are able to dress up in Victorian clothes and re-enact the time frame. This is much like we do at the Renaissance Pleasure Fair in the spring. I enjoyed walking around and seeing people in their outfits and how beautiful some of their clothes were. I just had to share some of the joy, so I took pics to show. :)
This is just a few of the pics, but I didn't want to share them all. I had such a good time. It was incredible! And I got a few trinkets from it, since next year we are planning on joining in the fun and making costumes.
The Queen of the festival, Victoria.
The court with her Majesty.
I think that this was a princess. The tiara kind of helps to support that thought.
Our friend Susan. Love her outfit, it's SO pretty!
Our friend Lewis. Looking dashing!
Beautiful Brenda! Such a talented lady!
Christina and her son... He is SO cute!
Her son was hiding behind her, but when he noticed me taking pictures he took drastic measures.
He was being shy, so he hid UNDER her skirt.
The cutie pie playing with a balloon.
High Tea with the nobility.
Another princess. :)
The queen.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Reflections
So in 4 DAYS it will be 5 months since I started to change my life with this journey. I can't believe that it has almost 5 months. I weighed in today, and it was a depressing 0.00 weight loss for the week. I stayed exactly where I was last week. But it's not a gain, so it's okay. As I look back, I am surprised as to how much I have worked to keep myself on the path that I want to be on. I have decided that I needed to change, and I am glad that I was strong enough to keep going. The biggest thing that I have had a challenge with has been the mindset.
When you start to loose the weight, you start to feel like "Wow, this is easy. Cut back on what I am eating, and it melts off!" And yes, it does melt off when you start to cut back. But it is anything but easy. There is a constant battle going on inside your head. There is the fight to stop yourself as you reach for that cookie during the day, and you have to ask yourself "Are you ready to stop eating them when you reach the serving size?" If you aren't willing to stop, than the question becomes "Do you have enough points to be able to blow your entire day on those cookies?" If you don't, than you have to ask yourself "do you have the extra points you are willing to spend on this indulgence?" By this point, you have eaten 2 of the servings already, and decided it was worth it, right? :)
I was telling myself "This is so stupid, this is never going to work" for the first week. I was angry, for about 3 weeks of starting this because I was telling myself I couldn't have what I wanted to have. I was telling myself to stop indulging as much as I was, and I was trying to control myself. This was the hardest thing, to tell myself to stop. I can be very stubborn (I wonder where I get that from....) and it can be either good or bad. A lot of times it can be good, but with this situation it was almost a bad thing. I was so stubborn about how I wasn't sure I wanted to do this, that I almost stopped myself before I started. I almost quit in the 2nd week, when I lost another 3 pounds. I had to fight back against myself as I thought "Why are you doing this? This is so stupid... I am NOT going to count everything for the rest of my life. I am just SO over this... This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of." It was so negative, and I was so wrapped up in what I thought I was loosing that I didn't see what I was gaining.
Here I am going to digress...
Isn't that how we are with life? We sit there complaining about what we don't have, and we don't see what we do have, or what we are gaining instead. Instead of complaining about what we think we should have, maybe we should see what we do have. Instead of worrying about tomorrow, maybe we should be more thankful for today. So while I have a larger frame, I am not complaining anymore about being a bigger woman. I am going to be thankful that I have my health. That I have my figure slimming down, even if it is happening slowly. Because honestly, that's the most healthy thing I could do. And it's not like I would ever (or could even afford) to go get surgery to loose the weight. If I was getting surgery, it would be on my eyes to help me not have to depend on contacts or glasses anymore. But at the same time, I am glad that we live in a time where we have modern medicine to allow us to be able to have plastic pieces to put into our eyes to allow us to see without having the lenses in front of us... Ok I am done. :) I will go back to what I was saying before.
So now I am back. Laughs. I may go off on tangents a little, since that's just who I am.
It was hard to look at food as more of a necessity than a comfort. Food was always there for me, as nothing else could be. My family was there, but sometimes I needed more than they could give because I felt like they weren't filling that need. So I would turn to chocolate. I would turn to sweets, and fats that I didn't need. I would turn to things that "wouldn't let me down" and I would indulge. And I didn't stop indulging. It was a crutch, and it was killing me slowly.
It has been hard to be on this journey. Mom has her group that she can go to, and be told how amazing she is doing and get these little trinkets to show her loss. She has been able to be supported and uplifted, and I have mom. I have my friends, but I don't tell too many people I am doing this because I didn't want to feel judged. I haven't even told my Grandmother on my dad's side yet, because I don't want her to judge me. I don't want to have her make her comments about if I should eat something should she see me. We have had a rocky relationship, because she was constantly watching what I put into my mouth and judging me for it. This happened because she wasn't happy with herself, and I feel NOW that she was trying to be helpful in her own way. I didn't see it at the time, but looking back on what I had been through I can see how she was trying to help. I hope that now I am doing this FOR ME and NO ONE ELSE we can actually have a relationship where I can feel like she sees me, and not what she would like to change reflected back at her.
I will say, I can totally and COMPLETELY understand how hard this is to do on your own. I will find myself in my room, and I would suddenly think "If you have something now, who would know?" Or right now, when no one is home I can't help but think "You can eat what you want, and as much as you want. Who would know about it? No one is home." That's when I have to slap that stupid, annoying voice down and say "You can't talk to me like that." If it gets too annoying, I will go and steam some more carrots. Or maybe some squash... Butternut Squash has become my addiction. I have a little bit of butter, some salt, and a TINY bit of brown sugar in it, and than a dash of cinnamon, and it is DIVINE! So good... little salty, sweet, and just fabulous.
If it's the motion of chewing I want, I will have some gum and that helps. Or if I think I am hungry, I will get some water. Sometimes the brain confuses the messages, the body needs water not food and we interpret it as hungry again. So it's important to get to know your body and what it REALLY is asking for.
And I digressed again. I am good at that. But, having your family support you in your decision is very important. And ignoring the media. The media will brainwash you to think you NEED to eat something, and it is not something that you need.
If your body is craving it, than eat it. There is a reason that your body needs it, and take small, slow bites. It helps to realize that the craving is being acknowledged, and is taken care of. It validates it, and it allows your body to stop craving it.
So I have decided to allow myself to grow and be free. Once I gave myself the permission to be free, to loose the attitude, and to stop using food as a crutch, I found myself able to dedicate myself to what I am doing. I had to give myself the permission to let go. I had to tell myself it is okay. I am doing what I need to so that I can be as healthy as I can be.
This journey has helped to shape me,and helped me to be strong. I need to allow myself to continue to move forward and stop holding myself back. The hardest thing about loosing weight is admitting to yourself that you did this to yourself. You punished yourself, for whatever reason. You felt that you did something, and you didn't deserve to be happy so you punished yourself with the one thing that you could control and make yourself "feel better."
My life has changed and will continue to change. I need to allow myself the permission to keep going, and stop holding myself back. And I have decided to stop. And will keep stopping myself from holding myself back.
And one last thing... I had a friend ask me yesterday what changed because I had a sparkle about me. Something to think about. :) You sparkle....
When you start to loose the weight, you start to feel like "Wow, this is easy. Cut back on what I am eating, and it melts off!" And yes, it does melt off when you start to cut back. But it is anything but easy. There is a constant battle going on inside your head. There is the fight to stop yourself as you reach for that cookie during the day, and you have to ask yourself "Are you ready to stop eating them when you reach the serving size?" If you aren't willing to stop, than the question becomes "Do you have enough points to be able to blow your entire day on those cookies?" If you don't, than you have to ask yourself "do you have the extra points you are willing to spend on this indulgence?" By this point, you have eaten 2 of the servings already, and decided it was worth it, right? :)
I was telling myself "This is so stupid, this is never going to work" for the first week. I was angry, for about 3 weeks of starting this because I was telling myself I couldn't have what I wanted to have. I was telling myself to stop indulging as much as I was, and I was trying to control myself. This was the hardest thing, to tell myself to stop. I can be very stubborn (I wonder where I get that from....) and it can be either good or bad. A lot of times it can be good, but with this situation it was almost a bad thing. I was so stubborn about how I wasn't sure I wanted to do this, that I almost stopped myself before I started. I almost quit in the 2nd week, when I lost another 3 pounds. I had to fight back against myself as I thought "Why are you doing this? This is so stupid... I am NOT going to count everything for the rest of my life. I am just SO over this... This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of." It was so negative, and I was so wrapped up in what I thought I was loosing that I didn't see what I was gaining.
Here I am going to digress...
Isn't that how we are with life? We sit there complaining about what we don't have, and we don't see what we do have, or what we are gaining instead. Instead of complaining about what we think we should have, maybe we should see what we do have. Instead of worrying about tomorrow, maybe we should be more thankful for today. So while I have a larger frame, I am not complaining anymore about being a bigger woman. I am going to be thankful that I have my health. That I have my figure slimming down, even if it is happening slowly. Because honestly, that's the most healthy thing I could do. And it's not like I would ever (or could even afford) to go get surgery to loose the weight. If I was getting surgery, it would be on my eyes to help me not have to depend on contacts or glasses anymore. But at the same time, I am glad that we live in a time where we have modern medicine to allow us to be able to have plastic pieces to put into our eyes to allow us to see without having the lenses in front of us... Ok I am done. :) I will go back to what I was saying before.
So now I am back. Laughs. I may go off on tangents a little, since that's just who I am.
It was hard to look at food as more of a necessity than a comfort. Food was always there for me, as nothing else could be. My family was there, but sometimes I needed more than they could give because I felt like they weren't filling that need. So I would turn to chocolate. I would turn to sweets, and fats that I didn't need. I would turn to things that "wouldn't let me down" and I would indulge. And I didn't stop indulging. It was a crutch, and it was killing me slowly.
It has been hard to be on this journey. Mom has her group that she can go to, and be told how amazing she is doing and get these little trinkets to show her loss. She has been able to be supported and uplifted, and I have mom. I have my friends, but I don't tell too many people I am doing this because I didn't want to feel judged. I haven't even told my Grandmother on my dad's side yet, because I don't want her to judge me. I don't want to have her make her comments about if I should eat something should she see me. We have had a rocky relationship, because she was constantly watching what I put into my mouth and judging me for it. This happened because she wasn't happy with herself, and I feel NOW that she was trying to be helpful in her own way. I didn't see it at the time, but looking back on what I had been through I can see how she was trying to help. I hope that now I am doing this FOR ME and NO ONE ELSE we can actually have a relationship where I can feel like she sees me, and not what she would like to change reflected back at her.
I will say, I can totally and COMPLETELY understand how hard this is to do on your own. I will find myself in my room, and I would suddenly think "If you have something now, who would know?" Or right now, when no one is home I can't help but think "You can eat what you want, and as much as you want. Who would know about it? No one is home." That's when I have to slap that stupid, annoying voice down and say "You can't talk to me like that." If it gets too annoying, I will go and steam some more carrots. Or maybe some squash... Butternut Squash has become my addiction. I have a little bit of butter, some salt, and a TINY bit of brown sugar in it, and than a dash of cinnamon, and it is DIVINE! So good... little salty, sweet, and just fabulous.
If it's the motion of chewing I want, I will have some gum and that helps. Or if I think I am hungry, I will get some water. Sometimes the brain confuses the messages, the body needs water not food and we interpret it as hungry again. So it's important to get to know your body and what it REALLY is asking for.
And I digressed again. I am good at that. But, having your family support you in your decision is very important. And ignoring the media. The media will brainwash you to think you NEED to eat something, and it is not something that you need.
If your body is craving it, than eat it. There is a reason that your body needs it, and take small, slow bites. It helps to realize that the craving is being acknowledged, and is taken care of. It validates it, and it allows your body to stop craving it.
So I have decided to allow myself to grow and be free. Once I gave myself the permission to be free, to loose the attitude, and to stop using food as a crutch, I found myself able to dedicate myself to what I am doing. I had to give myself the permission to let go. I had to tell myself it is okay. I am doing what I need to so that I can be as healthy as I can be.
This journey has helped to shape me,and helped me to be strong. I need to allow myself to continue to move forward and stop holding myself back. The hardest thing about loosing weight is admitting to yourself that you did this to yourself. You punished yourself, for whatever reason. You felt that you did something, and you didn't deserve to be happy so you punished yourself with the one thing that you could control and make yourself "feel better."
My life has changed and will continue to change. I need to allow myself the permission to keep going, and stop holding myself back. And I have decided to stop. And will keep stopping myself from holding myself back.
And one last thing... I had a friend ask me yesterday what changed because I had a sparkle about me. Something to think about. :) You sparkle....
Friday, January 18, 2013
Silence is Golden...
Today I got on the scale to weigh myself, and it was a fun thing to do. I got on last night because I forgot to do it in the morning. After eating all day, I was weighing in at 5 pounds lighter than last week (Thank goodness) and was excited to get up this morning and see how it translated. Well, I got up and the scale said I was 3 pounds lighter instead, which made me kinda sad. I was excited to see me within 4 pounds of my 50 pound weight loss goal. So I went and made breakfast, and got ready to get into the shower. I showered (to warm up, it's FREEZING!!!) and got on the scale again (glutton for punishment) and was DELIGHTED to see that I had dropped again to 5.3 pounds lighter than last week. I think I am going to count THAT weigh in as the one for the week. Laughs. I was just too excited, and came back a little later and got the same results again. So I am happy that it finally was where I wanted it to be.
This morning, I woke up to a sore throat and when I got a call to go to work I tried to talk to find I had no voice. Now if I was going to do campus monitor, I could do that because I would rely on the whistle and not talk to the kids. BUT this job offer was for an instructional associate, working one on one with a child. I couldn't do that, I didn't want the children around me to get what I had. SO I had to decline and stay home.
I have spent the day in my room, in my bed. I was warm in my bed, I LOVED being warm. And I was able to work on an afghan that I am making for my sweet niece for her 8th birthday. 8 years old, and getting baptized! I am SO proud of her. She is such a sweetie pie.
So today I am sitting at having dropped 4 pant sizes. I am down from a size 28 to a size 22 in my jeans. I am wearing a size 22 to 24 in my slacks, depending on the cut. It is a HUGE accomplishment for me. I also am able to fit into a smaller size top than I had in the past, I can put on a cami 2 sizes smaller than I was able to wear before. It's an accomplishment for me to be able to be SO much closer to the 50 pounds I wanted to loose. It is an excitement, and it really helps me when I think back on where I started. And we just started this in September. It's only been about 4 months, and I am already seeing the results I wanted. It's a LOT of hard work, to stop yourself when your body is telling you that it wants you to keep going. It's hard when you are craving something, so you give in and eat it. Than you worry about going up in your weight loss. And you worry about telling your family. I haven't told my grandmother yet, as I want to surprise her with my progress the next time I see her. I want to be down 75 pounds the next time I see her, which is possible. I may be able to be at that goal by Michael's graduation in April. We will see what happens. But I am just grateful that I was able to be down some more instead of going up again.
And silence is golden because I have lost my voice. I woke up this morning with my throat burning and my voice missing. I hate that it hurts to talk, and I hate that it hurts to swallow. I know this shall pass quickly, but for now, silence is golden. :)
This morning, I woke up to a sore throat and when I got a call to go to work I tried to talk to find I had no voice. Now if I was going to do campus monitor, I could do that because I would rely on the whistle and not talk to the kids. BUT this job offer was for an instructional associate, working one on one with a child. I couldn't do that, I didn't want the children around me to get what I had. SO I had to decline and stay home.
I have spent the day in my room, in my bed. I was warm in my bed, I LOVED being warm. And I was able to work on an afghan that I am making for my sweet niece for her 8th birthday. 8 years old, and getting baptized! I am SO proud of her. She is such a sweetie pie.
So today I am sitting at having dropped 4 pant sizes. I am down from a size 28 to a size 22 in my jeans. I am wearing a size 22 to 24 in my slacks, depending on the cut. It is a HUGE accomplishment for me. I also am able to fit into a smaller size top than I had in the past, I can put on a cami 2 sizes smaller than I was able to wear before. It's an accomplishment for me to be able to be SO much closer to the 50 pounds I wanted to loose. It is an excitement, and it really helps me when I think back on where I started. And we just started this in September. It's only been about 4 months, and I am already seeing the results I wanted. It's a LOT of hard work, to stop yourself when your body is telling you that it wants you to keep going. It's hard when you are craving something, so you give in and eat it. Than you worry about going up in your weight loss. And you worry about telling your family. I haven't told my grandmother yet, as I want to surprise her with my progress the next time I see her. I want to be down 75 pounds the next time I see her, which is possible. I may be able to be at that goal by Michael's graduation in April. We will see what happens. But I am just grateful that I was able to be down some more instead of going up again.
And silence is golden because I have lost my voice. I woke up this morning with my throat burning and my voice missing. I hate that it hurts to talk, and I hate that it hurts to swallow. I know this shall pass quickly, but for now, silence is golden. :)
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