Why Do I Even BOTHER!?!?!?

I am so done with Lane Bryant, I don't know why they don't fire me or why I don't just quit. I haven't worked there in over 2 months, really. I have been on call every week, and I am so over it. I don't want to work there any more. They don't even treat me nicely when I call, it's like the "Oh it's you again" attitude.

What is wrong with me? Why do I bother to call and get my schedule? Why do I bother to try to keep working there? They obviously don't want me. Why do I keep going back and hoping that they will have work for me when I don't even want to walk into the store to get a paycheck for 3 hours? This is ridiculous. Why do I even bother?

Chop Chop!!!

So... I did it! I totally chopped my hair off! I LOVE it! I think it's SO cute! It was to the middle of my back for a long time, and then I got tired of it and said I wanted a change so my hairdresser cut it to my shoulders. We also dyed it so the color is more of a honey blonde instead of the platinum streaks that were washing me out so badly. I LOVE my hair! it's so stinking cute straight, and curly is so fun! Here's some pictures so you can see what I mean:

Before:
This is me NOW!!
Much shorter, but I love it! I actually need to get a picture of it when it's straight, because it looks SO adorable! I know, it's lame but I got it taken in the mirror! Laughs.

I just want to know

Whatever happened to IMPARTIAL reporting? They only interview the people who HAVE said NO on 8, and never ask anyone about what it means to US whom voted YES on 8!! Everything that is being reported is false, or just stupid. They are attacking the Church, saying that until the election was passed the meetinghouses became headquarters for us to figure out how to support Prop 8 and to get people to vote. I am just outraged, to the point that I can't watch the news or read a paper because all you read is how "so and so is Mormon, and was forced to give money to prop 8" or "So and so is Mormon, and they know that we used our meetinghouses to strong arm people into helping with the campaign" which is BULL!!

If they TRULY want to know what we believe, they should stop attacking us and start asking us. They are continually lumping us with the FLDS church, and I had skimmed an article that said that the Raid in Texas was a Mormon compound. This world is so messed up, it's not right. I am so fed up with hearing this persons furious over prop 8, and this person is livid with the Mormons. I am so fed up with people being ignorant. We shouldn't have to pay for it. We shouldn't have to worry about if we can get into the temple, or if the protesters are going to stop us. We just need to keep being strong. This storm HAS to pass eventually, I just hope that the wake isn't so terrible when it's done.

It's been a while

I have been trying to process everything that has been happening to me lately, and all that has happened with the world. History is being made with Proposition 8, and that makes me sad. We have a black president of our country. We have a LOT of things that are going to shape our future, as well as the future of our economy.

I personally have decided for a change of my own. My hair was down to the middle of my back, and I just cut it to my shoulders. I also allowed my hairdresser free reign with the color of my hair, and walked away with a golden blond color. It's weird for me to have it so short, compared to how long it is but I love it!

I don't know what the future has in store for us. I know that I have had a wonderful experience where the Lord helped me to share my love of the Gospel with one of his children. That isn't something I expected, but I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity.

I don't really have much to report outside of that. I am just sitting here, watching history in the making and wondering how much more history is yet to be written. It's fascinating.

I know I haven't posted in a while. I have been busy trying to get better, and I have been trying to not go crazy. I have been thinking about my life, the last few days as I was sick. I was thinking about all the people that are in it, and all the people in my past. I am glad that the people in my life are in it now, because they are helping me to become whom I need to. I also realized that I am not as closed off as I thought I was, but I am also not as open as I should be. It's a work in progress, I realize that. I am working on it. I just hate how it feels like everyone expects me to be so open, and so willing for everything to work like it should in movies.

I know this sounds weird, but I want a man who is like my brother. He researched this girls favorite candy that he took out for lunch, and then he made sure he had a big box of it with her favorite drink for dessert. It's REAL cute! I also want someone whom is willing to open the door for me, and is willing to get music for me off the internet if I ask. I want someone who is willing to do what it takes to be with me, not make excuses.

I know that excuses are just a front, and that people make excuses because A) they aren't interested and they are trying to let you down easily or B) they are just really that tired, and don't want to go anywhere. I KNOW I have days like that. I get so tired, that I don't want to go out and do anything. SO I don't. And I am SO socially busy as a result.... :)

I am trying to enjoy my niece and nephews as they are little, because that is going to go too fast. In the blink of an eye, the childhood will be over and I SO don't want to think about that. I LOVE that Ari wants me to read to her when she goes to bed. I LOVE that Camden runs away when he sees me and he just expects me to chase him. I LOVE that Alex always is SO excited to see me when I get home from work, and he is so curious as to what I am doing and where I am going. These are things that can not be replaced and memories that I didn't have because I missed their fun baby years because I lived too far away. I am trying to make up for lost time, and enjoy them as much as possible.

I know that I have flaws. I know that I am still single because I push people away, and that I haven't met the right one. I HATE that I am single, and I like it at the same time. I do wish I had a family of my own, but I also appreciate the time I have to get to know me again. I just can't seem to make up my mind about what I want.

I admit, it's hard when all your friends are getting engaged and married, I have had 2 friends get married in the last 3 days, another is getting married on the 8th and one is newly engaged. I know of 1 other engaged woman and my BROTHER is probably going to be married before me at this rate.

I am happy for all the people that are engaged and married, I am. I know it's not a race, but we always joked that I would get married first. Not so much, which I am glad. I just really would LOVE to glimps what the Lord has in store for me. I want to know WHY I have had to wait so long for ANY Type of relationship. I just have to wait more, and I hate being patient sometimes. This is the sometime, in case you are wondering. It's late, and the longer I go the more I am going to not make sense, so I am going to let you go and I am going to bed. Thanks for reading this, I know you could have better things to do. :)

So I was bored...

I made some more tags. I have to show them off, I am very proud of them. I made them last night, and the last one I made this morning. This one is one of my favorites. I made it when I was thinking of my friend. :)Music is my life! I can't go anywhere without my iPod. It's really bad!
I was inspired by the memory of being a kid, and having fun at the playground, swinging as high as you can. It was just too fun, and I couldn't resist this one.

Sometimes I do wonder... Will my heart find a home to rest or will it stay on the wind?

I LOVE THIS ONE!! I made it with the Scrapbook Kit "Pieces Of Me" by wimpychompers. You can purchase the scrapkit here. This is like therapy for me, a creative outlet and I love it.

Cheering up a friend.

So I have a best friend who has been having a hard time, so I sat down and made some tags to help make her smile. I just had to put them up because I am pretty proud of them. Laughs. Bad, huh? I can't help it, I was just proud to be able to make something that would look nice. I didn't do the drawings myself, they are from a wonderful artist called Nene Thomas. The ones on the bottom are the same, I couldn't decide which background I liked better. The images are from Suzanne Wolcott, and can be purchased HERE .